Smudges of Emotions

There are shades of me that even the light of epiphany cannot find
There are abysses inside me that even the scale of surrealism cannot measure
There are holes inside me that even the ocean of forgiveness cannot fill
There are questions inside me that even the answers cannot find

I’m lost in the treachery
Of time and people
Juggling the spaces between transition
Hoping it all to make sense
I remain still and let the flow pass through me
I hold my breath and allow the life to pass through me

An envoy of realization drills its hole
Fixes the ropes of truth
Trying to dig deeper and deeper
I fail to gravitate what is in and what is out
I succeed to convince what is true which is false

Jumbled and troubled
Running from myself
In an endless circle,
I run
To scrape the floor below me
To erase the sky above me
I run.

3 Peas of Life

Some life lessons coming up, so brace yourself. Make some hot water for yourself and snooze yourself inside a warm blanket. Because well, it’s cold these days.

 

The thing Im about to talk is, as you’ve seen in the title, the 3 P’s of life. By Peas its not the little green balls of nature that comes packed in pods but the actual alphabet P that my friend taught to be. Thanks Juliana, youre the Don.

So basically your life can be divided into 3 parts to sum it all up, they are: Personal, Professional and Passion.

  1. Personal

By Personal what I mean here the part of life that you have by being connected to the infinite people in your society and you maintaining a healthy relationship with them. Your personal are how things are going between you and your siblings or your spouse or your parents or your cousins or anyone. As long as social relationships that you adore or want to preserve are in good state, they’re your personal counterpart of life.

By personal remember the relationship you have with other people. They listen to you and speak to you.

 

2. Professional

Now this part of life is the part where you work and use your skills to produce something materialistic to be sellable in the market. This part of life is where you might spend a large amount of time if you are a working professional. You might have achieved your degree and be working or still in high school/university. Your academics also come under this category. Professional part of life is the phase where you work for your own goals or expectations and expect to achieve reward.

 

3. Passion

Now things are a bit tricky here, Passion of life, here means that what you want to do in life. It maybe as simple as eating, as mine, or making origami, or playing music, or making money or anyything. Passion that can anything that gives you a small comfortable space for only yourself. It is the relationship between you and yourself. Passion is an important phase to help you connect to yourself and reflect your thoughts. Passion is free from any restrictions and you must feel elated when you practice it.

 

So, drum rolls.

 

Now the important part I’m trying to tell to ya’ll is that in Life, if in your Life, if 2 P’s of your life which can be anyyything; Personal and Professional or Professional and Passion or Passion and Personal, if, IF only if 2 P’s of your life are in good terms, then you’re truly okay. You’re just a waining baby if you dont feel so, now don’t be a crybaby and accept that if any 2 Parts of your life are good then you’re good to go.

And, if you are receiving money or economic support from either Professional or Passion then you’re sustainable enough. No money is ever enough but some money is good enough. So try to squeeze in some money from Professional and Passion as far as possible and maybe you’ll get a hold of life and then take things to another level maybe.

 

Thanks for staying till the end. Try to balance and Im sure you will fly.

Ba bye now!

Kharlyoom Momos: Short Review

Do you know what existed before dinosaurs?

Momos. The answer to anything is always momos.

 

I waited for Sisan dai to make a Momo Vlog since 2016 but here I decided to write a very lazy one right here because Sisan dai didn’t upload it. Anyways read the information and go to Kharlyoon to bless your tastebuds.

So, after long being thought and alot of binge watching Tasty and Buzzfeed Worth it and Bon appetit and a lot of other food channels including M&S Vmag Hunger Hunt we decided that some people might just want honest reviews right? I mean half of the places I go to eat momos is just okay, only okay and with that data, I can’t trust Oshin Sitaula go bezerk and act like she’s having an orgasm over every single thing that she puts in her mouth (youknowwhatImsaying). I think they’re fake.

So today I with my momo fanatic friend and my brother went to a very famous momo joint in the outer periphery of the Ring Road called as Kharlyoon Momos. Okay get that, its not Kharlom or Kharlum, its called Kharlyoom Momos. Funky name.

anyways they’re in Google Maps as ‘Kharlyom Momo’ so hope that helps you with the location. The location can be a little tricky to people who are not accustomed to areas outside the Ring road area.

The place at first impression was cool, having a hand painted board on top of a 30 feet high pillar makes it visible while searching for it. It isn’t that far from the ring road tho. They have ample parking space in their front porch (Lets call it that) and directly you can see SIX steaming pots in the kitchen area aligned near the window. On the left you can see a door which allows you to enter the joint. The owner/cashier was an amiable guy who asked us for the order right after we entered the door. His staff was right beside the door. He was a humble person who joked about having to order at first hand not making it sound any compulsive. We dropped our orders and entered the hut.

The place was quite open with tables and benches arranged in quadrants each having four tables and bench which could easily accommodate 4-6 individuals. One thing I liked best about the place was the fast service. After my plate of momos came as soon as we had made ourselves comfortable created a great impression as why the cashier requested for early orders. The buff momos had arrived and the pork momos joined the party very soon.

They had two pickles, one savory peanut and soybean pickle and another spicy chilly pickle. It gave a very local eatery vibe as we had a buffet of their pickles. The pickles were bottled as each set was stationed at each table. It was a buffet of pickles and we didn’t make any compromises with the generous support.

Talking about their pickle, their major pickle was the peanut and soybean pickle where I’ve had past experiences of peanut pickle where it was totally sweetened and had grits of peanut not well grinded intentionally. The tiny bits of peanuts could make the biting experience better but the watery solvent had bland taste. But in this case, the peanuts were very well and fine grinded with no small bits. It was very homogeneous and thick. The taste was very balanced and a subtle interplay of taste and spices could be noticed.

Momos were comparatively impressive in size, they were big enough and perfect bite size for most. the buff momos had a arch shape which distributed flavors very well and the outer skin wasn’t thin but wasn’t very thick too. It was somewhere in between where I wasn’t impressed but not disappointed as well. The meat has firm, not that tight , was explosive. Very plain and mild buff flavored. The spices were light and not much veggies were present. It had a clean taste which was beautiful.

The pork momos on the other had round shape. The skin were too thin that their bottoms had been torn. They were served in a similar fashion as of buff but many of them were smudged. The outer skin was very thin, especially at the bottom. So thin that the penetration of a form trying to pick it up would result in it being torn apart due to the sharpness of fork ridges. The flavors weren’t so strong but the fat was much satisfying. Another bad thing was their wrap center which had a lot of flour wraps which made an impact on the taste.

The momos are really cheap too Buff 100 Pork 130 with no additional charges. It was quite  a good experience.

 

I’m realy trying to write a momo blog, I give an indepth review if I go to the place again. And also if I find another better momo join. Do let me know

Skeleton Method to deal with Impromtu Speeches

Okay, if you’ve opened this then maybe you’re dead serious about impromptu speeches because when you’re on stage and asked to speak about a topic for a fixed duration on time, trust me the fragility of the motion is immense. Your speech can be disastrously bad or miraculously brilliant. It’s all about the 30 sec of prep time you get. But again trust me, in no way is that 30 sec prep time going to shape your speech if the topic is completely new to you.  You might think of a nice opening but you will def leave out the rest part of speech bland.

Well don’t worry, I’m writing this to share a technique that I developed to deal with my impromptus so that my speech doesn’t appear unprepared or disorganized. This technique won’t guarantee that you’ll ace the speech as if you had prepared it a week ago, but I’ll tell you the audience will be baffled with your ability to deal with unknown topics. Here’s how.

By the name, Skeleton, it means the major structural unit of most living beings. It’s because of the skeletons, which are almost dead, that we have the shape that we possess, else we would all be a flaccid ball of some slimy protozoan. So skeleton here is trying to represent the framework.

 

Before you appear for your speech what you need to do is create three elements for your speech. They are:

i. Antagonist (who’ll challenge your belief)
ii. Protagonist (who’ll support your belief)
iii. Framework (how the situation generates)

Your antagonist and protagonist are maybe your fictional characters who demonstrate the execution of your idea. These come along with the

 

Your major task here is to create a very versatile story line where you just need to figure out the situation in which the story proceeds. You should know that most stories basically has three Cs: Commencement, Conflict, Concession

Now you individually have to work on all 3 segments to deliver your message to the audience. For example, *picking up something right of the batch hai ta!*

 

  • Commencement

Here you need to begin your speech with something very unusual scenario where your audience thinks that you’re way off your topic but they are curious to know more about how you’ll screw up.

I made mine like

One unusual day, as I came down my house and sat on my scooter to reach office my scooter wouldn’t start.

The very first line of your statement is called the ‘Fundamental Line’, this helps audience know the scenario of where the story is going.

One kick, two kick, three kick. The scooter just wouldn’t start. Have you faced such frustrations in life?

Now I’ve played two methods here, first is the thumb rule of Three where repetition in any statement engages the mind of the audience. It creates a different impact to the audience where they witness the gravity but aren’t bored. A number of speeches use this and you must have experienced in many stories that the hidden answer is always behind the third door. 

And the next is engagement but asking the audience a question, you’re trying to make it less monologist and more of a dialect for your audience.

I lost all hope and left the scooter in my garage and stomped to the micro stand. I was really pissed by this time and I was asking the question, “Why always me?” As soon as a micro bus came I immediately grabbed it and secured a seat. The conductor was a hefty punky boy in his prime adolescence and was asking fare with other passengers as if they’d owed me big time.

 

  • Conflict

This is the main part that I leave empty now. This the area where you introduce your idea to the story. Like skeleton leaves spaces for organs to fill and make a complete being, this framework leaves space for conflict to be introduced and play with audience’s emotions. The conflict should be symmetrical or a derivative of the major topic that you have been assigned for the impromptu speech.

Generate the conflict where there are two characters or more if you wish to, including or excluding you where someone is the protagonist and someone is the antagonist. You then create this scene where something usual happens and your motion comes to foreplay in action maybe the cause, reason, excuse, message, anything. You just need to give birth to an unusual situation where your motion is played.

For example:

The conductor is in very arrogant tone asked for the fare. I was pretty agitated by him. He was way more rude that he deserves to be. I then opened the outer pocket of my bag where I keep my purse. My hands traced the entire fabric of the outer pocket but couldn’t find the purse. I got scared. I looked around and opened the zipper wide to see if my hands were unable to find but to my horrible misfortune I remembered that I had kept the purse on my table but I somehow forgot to keep it in.

Now this is the unusual situation rising and then you introduce your message. 

For example the title was: “Never judge the book by its cover

Now the conflict according to the title is where one judges other by their outer look and assumes their personality likewise but is deliberately mistaken and the misconceived person turn out to be very opposite. 

In the above framework I have judged the Conductor by his speaking tone so I think he is very rude, I’ve even mentioned it. And my inability to pay him his self acclaimed fare might worsen the scenario but as your topic suggests you should plot the story line in the opposite direction. Try adding details in this phase to make your story bit more compulsive and audience engaging so that audience feels the tension you want them to feel.

I would say

I then explored all possible holes of my bag and my clothes to spot the 15 rupees that the conductor expects. I thought  I could be thrown out of the moving bus if the conductor was too mad. I thought that I would trade my earphones for the fare. But it was worth more than 1500, more than 100 times of the fare. But it was much less worth than me being thrown out of the bus. I didn’t want to be screamed at the entire crown of strangers for not being able to pay a single bus fare.

I searched everywhere but I couldn’t find any money. I thought that tipping Rs 20 to the waiter was very less but look at me, not being able to find a sum of 15 rupees. Why always me?

I even thought of asking the guy next to me for money, but he looked like a serial killer. I was shit scared. 

The conductor again asked, “Dai bhada dinus na.”

I could feel my voice trembling and I was prepared for the loss of my earphones as I bundled it in my right palm and in a very shaky voice said. 

“Bhai sorry yaar aaja wallet nai halna birsechu….”

My hands with the earphones had already moved forward to trade it with him and was just about to say if he liked my earphones. But then he looked dead in my eyes and simply slipped attention from me to the guy sitting beside me with no comments. 

I couldn’t grasp what was happening and I wasn’t expecting for mean looking conductor to just pardon me without any clarification. I felt immensely light but heavy with guilt at the same time.”

 

  • Concession

Now this the important influencing segment of your speech where you give reasoning how your characters justify your major point. I’ll leave this part to you.

In addition, like the first statement was the Fundamental statement and the final statement is the conclusive statement. Here make sure your conclusive statement makes a lasting effect of your major motive to the audience.

 

So this is a general outline of how you use your skeleton method to deal with impromptus. You can mold your ideas and story line in accordance with the motion that you are assigned.

By now I’m pretty tired by writing all of these but hope it was helpful to you. The technique to create your own framework is entirely in your own hands, so make sure you don’t have any controversial or slipping story.

I might make a presentation on this but don’t trust me, I’m the pinnacle of procrastination.

Let me know if this worked for you.

I will try to make it more efficient with feedbacks from you.

Leaving

The smell of all,
old and new;
known and yet to be known.

The spider web behind the bed; bits of chowchow spilled under the shelf. The torn carpet. The reminiscence.

I’ll take all the memories not the proof. I’ll be the same but maybe a little different.

I’ll giggle at the yellow stained walls because I’ll know the who painted what. I’ll not jerk the door; maybe the hinges will be fine.

Get a new key so it won’t be stuck.
Get a new lock so I won’t be stuck.

The thought of leaving is death scary. The thought of embracing is tantalizing.

New rusty doors; color tainted windows; fresh cracked walls and white patched ceilings; all will be new.

It’s though provoking and dyslexic at the same time.
Paradoxical yet obvious.

My ship wont shed tears in waves of memories. My ship wont be scarred; the anchors are loose.

The walls of my being will be painted with fresh white stickers.

Covering all that was; to give room, for all that will be.

The walls of my fore coming is now yet black. Empty. Uncharred and virgin.

I’ll paint it with colors of emotions; black and white, red and blue.

I’ll break it all up and down, inside and out.

I’ll fill it all; across and through.

I’ll embrace it; from within and beyond.

Because I want to hurt myself.

Because I‘ll leave it all.

Because poems bleed when hearts break.

Illusioned

With the advent of winter, our community prepares itself to live through the bone chilling winter of Kathmandu through various traditional methods. A month long celebration at the ‘Chobhar Temple‘ begins where the pilgrims walk through a hefty number of stairs to warm their body and relinquish their souls by taking a glance at the holy site. Some of us make a local and national delicacy called as ‘Yo:mari‘. Its simply a rice pudding with sesame and jaggery filling in a weird shape thats tapering at both ends. People go crazy over it; especially people of other community for whom its a grape they cannot jump to have.

Well, my story isn’t about how cold this winter is, or how good Yomaris are. My story here is about my family where we have an annual festival to pay your tribute to our clan deity. We, Newars, form small forms of clans based on our blood relations who worship to a same clan God also in our terms known as ‘Kul Dya‘, meaning Clan God. He is thought to the protector of our blood line and very powerful who resides in the sacred corner of the eldest member of our clan also called ‘Thakali‘ in our local terms.

Well, this story is not about my Kul Dya either. Its about something happened this morning with my Kul Dya that just triggered me into a deep thinking of how our human gullibility is so humiliating (or if you feel offended, let’s say baseless).

Right now is that time of the year where our family doesn’t eat Chicken, Chicken egg, Garlic, Onion or any food that brings shame to the table when we have to bow our heads to our clan God. We go in a week long parade when families come together to devour on food cooked over the same flame and share heat from the same pyre of wood to escape the winter. During this period, the God is brought out of his shell and traveled to a different house of each member every year for a very short duration of time as a significance as to bless each members house once in years rotation. Then the God travels back to its sacred corner, inside its clay shell and resides for an entire year, hibernating and protecting us. At least thats we are told.

So, what happened was, we woke up early morning, finished our daily routines to the bathroom and then it was time to pay homage to our God when our stomachs were empty, maybe to prove our devotion. Anyways, I woke up, half asleep. Splashed cold bullets of water through my face, rubbed my teeth with the blistering scrape and was ordered by my mother that I should first complete my meet with the God before I get any ounce of food. Didn’t bother me so I walked down my house, entered an ally right next to my uncles house, took the first right at the ‘chowk‘ and climbed three floors to enter an abandoned room where the the smell of incense had overpowered the dampness of the cold room and a comforting silence was ringing in the air. It was a small room made only for a single visitor to provide a one on one closeness with the God himself maybe. At the corner of the slightly raised pedestal was the egg shaped shell with a transverse horizontal cut where the lid protected the God from soughtful eyes of others. It was painted with years of vermilion of all colors and had a different aura to it. I felt calm and stagnant for a while as I sprinkled some grains of paddy and rubbed vermilion on its forehead. I then bend my head and asked for his protection and guidance thorough out my life. I gently placed a 20 rupee note where a few 5 rupee were scattered to make an impression that I was more generous and then I touched my head to his head and returned back. Trailing down the same way that led me to this room.

I met Mother right after I entered the main door and she asked me if I had met my aunt so that she would open me the door to the room where the God had resided. And I said the door was plain open.

She nodded. And blew a air of dissatisfaction that how careless people had grown.

My brother was on his way for his college and came jumped in front of us and said that the door was closed when we went and how he had to call for my sister in law for the door to open.

I shrugged and said maybe they didn’t lock the door again, hoping that the God would have a lot of visitors today. Maybe they were expecting me was my reason.

Adjusting the length of his bag strap he said maybe and searched for his shoe.

Then something plucked me, and I asked him why would he call Astha bhauju (Sister in Law) for the key.

And looked at me like a kid and said, its their house, who else is supposed to have the key.

I felt uneasy and replied the God was in the Uncle’s (Thakali, the eldest) house wasn’t it?

My mother blew machine gun gusts of air from her nose with her lips stretching and said that it was that time of the year when the God was supposed to travel to a members house for a certain time and this year was my brothers turn to invite the God at his place so the God was residing in a house two houses away from the house that I just paid my homage and had returned.

This left me awestruck of how I had fooled myself and never realized that the God was never there but I never felt as if the room lacked a divine presence. I prayed whole heartedly to a hollow clay utensil and handed my devotion to a lifeless unit. I felt humiliated and thought myself to betray my clan God.

I thought about this incident for the whole day and then came a thought to my mind where I was wondering if the fooled scenario that I experienced would leave me in an illusion of completeness if I had never became a victim of the truth. Only truth led me to my realization. If I had never ran into the truth or thought about why my sister in law would open the door of my uncles house, I would be lost in the depth of an illusion that I would firmly place my belief upon.

This leads me to my next statement, regarding what if we face these kind of scenarios everyday and are illusioned but we never come across truth and thus sincerely accept it as reality and root out our views and beliefs. What if we are so gullible that we don’t even think of a possible truth to bust our perception. What if the poem that I read this morning by an unheard poet wasn’t actually his but a simple typo mistake but I’d forever think that the name written at the bottom of the poem would be its rightful contributor. What if the vegan rice pudding I had, had actually eggs in it and they mistakenly printed the wrong description, I’d happily eat it with full satisfaction because I am gullible enough to not ask for in depth conformity.

What if the Gods we pray to and look up to have already left this world with no hopes of coming back and we still don’t know that they’re gone with our hands joined and heads down hope for their blessing when we are all praying in front of a hollow statue with hollow values that has hollow impact based on hollow belief.

What if this all is true.

What if we illusioned ourself.

What if?

Getting back

If you’re reading this, then a big thank you for going through my blogs because I had completely lost all hopes that I’d ever be able to write again.

But, I host hope but not faith and I’ll push myself every time to put an end to the very sentence I begin.

 

Hope you guys get something worthy of your time to read. Ciao!
Happy reading! 🙂

The Used Sim Card

The debate competition had finished a day earlier and now we had a total of two days for complete excursion. We thought that our trip to Bangladesh would be incomplete without soaking our feet in the beaches of Cox’s Bazar. A veteran Bangla debater and a very fun person to be around helped us with getting connections to rent a cheap van to Cox’s bazar and before the sun rose, we were already on our way to a hefty 12 hour drive to Cox’s Bazar. We wanted to check our current location and see stay in touch with our organizer host friends who were scared to death about our adventure to the Cox’s so we thought of getting a sim card so that we could call Nepal if any emergency or at least be available to the world.

 

We stopped by at a rust lane where our Muslim Mama stopped by for his routine prayer in the mosque. We thought of using the time to get us a sim card. I asked for some locals and they helped us locating a small mobile repairing station few meters away from the highway. There were two young Bangla we guffing about and laughing watching videos in the internet. As we walked in front of them; they were amazed to look at aliens and immediately halted their shenanigans and look forward to help us.

 

We had a language barrier where we couldn’t speak Bangla and he couldn’t speak proper English but he tried all the ammunition of English he had and asked us from which country and we humbly replied Nepal. We came from the same brotherhood, and the same vein ran through both of our countries. We were the beginning and them the end of Bay of Bengal.

 

We asked him if he could help us with getting a sim card for us and he displayed a colorful array of sim card pouches from a tray and asked which we wanted. We explained him our situation where we needed data the most and only were to use it for a few days. He made the choice and we made the pick. He then started filling the required details and asked for our ID no. Well in fact none of us had any ID no. We got puzzled and experimented with a random number but as you guessed it didn’t work.

 

By this point we lost all hopes of being connected when on the road and our faces started to be gloomy. He also tried some nits and bits to crack ourselves for a sim card but the sim card user registration protocol didn’t help him either. And as we thought nothing could be done and we were about to leave. He bit the end of his lower lip, grinned some waves on his forehead and called us back. We couldn’t understand what he said but he was saying a word in repetition and was waving his hand to come back. He then took out a small cheap non-smart cellular phone from his drawer. Cracked open it up with a crunching sound, removed the battery killing the phone and slipped out its soul; its sim card.

 

Till this moment we were still confused what he was trying to do. Then with gentle care the put forward his palm with the small flat chip on its centre. I think connections speak more than language and I involuntarily pushed my right hand forward. He slowly tilted his hands and the sim card gently rolled twice and slammed flat on my palm. Then we all looked at him and he said, “my card. You take. Friend.” I think these are some rare moments in life when you experience pure humility and humankind. I was the part or the recipient of something noble happening and I was glad that he trusted a man who didn’t follow his religion, spoke his tongue, fed on the same rice or even looked the same. I was overwhelmed and baffled.

With true generosity, we asked how much was it worth, well I knew it was worth all the pennies in the world but yet. He waved his hands transversely as we wave our byes and he said no charge. Well, we couldn’t handle any more guilt and I remember that the sim card that we were about to take costed us 300 takas. Then took out my wallet and counted four hundred taka notes and handed it to him. After some persuasion he finally agreed to take it on the condition that we add each other on facebook. Well, like he said we’re friends. Had to take it.

 

Our Mama came back from the mosque and it was time to go. We clicked some pictures together, he uploaded it on facebook and tagged us. Now we were more than just friends. We had a connection between us; outspoken by any languages ever to come of any lips. You know they say in Nepal that if you share the same plate, your love grows. Maybe if we share the same sim card, our connection might grow? :D

 

 

 

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I FOUND A HERO

It had been 3 days after I had returned home from my 10 days stay in Diktel, Khotang. I never imagined that in this age a district just 325 kms away from the Kathmandu; neighboring to some prosperous districts would still be devoid of a concrete road access. In other terms I never thought that I would have to change my bus after crossing the mighty Sunkoshi over a suspension bridge into another vehicle that would then finally take me to my destination. It was completely disappointing. But after the first sip of Tulsi tea I had with the Integrity Idol; Gyanmani Nepal I embraced myself for the positivity that was on its way.

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Before joining Integrity Idol team, I only merely knew the words called as ‘accountability’, ‘integrity’ and ‘transparency’. But after completing my fellowship I came to give my own definitions to the teams as pronounced above. Before being a fellow, I have a vague picture of how Gyanmani sir is, a lean man with shallow glasses wearing a hat and climbing hills. But after having a single conversation, I knew that I was in for much more.

Generally, you are only able to cultivate one side or angle of a man’s personality. But a man’s identity is a collage of all those infinite personalities before various characters and situations. I was lucky enough to witness different perceptions of Gyanmani through this fellowship which could not be possible in any other way. Through Integrity Fellowship; for ten days I ate what he ate; I went where we went and I tried to think how he thought. It all made so much sense in the end when to can contemplate the exact situation through two different scopes.

Every night, before going to be we used to share our food for thought; sipping Tulsi tea covered by the epiphany of the night. He would recite Sanskrit stanzas of wisdom and I tried to inhale them. He taught a lot of things that be believed were the key essence of life. He always used to say that a tree yields fruits not to devour itself but for the sake of filling others belly. So, is the purpose of a human’s life for to give something back to the society not only for own self. A man is born with a purpose and the purpose is to serve others.

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I was also deeply inspired by his quality of living and consciousness of feeding habit. He has planted a number of cruciferous plants in his kitchen garden and a hedge of Tulsi plants surrounding his residence. He provides complete organic bio-fertilizer prepared by decomposing his own collected urine. Also is very open to more biological and organic measures of dealing with pests and diseases. From his feeding habit; I am also inspired to change my feeding habits into a vegetarian menu form. Avoidance of meat increases stability of mind and reduces abrupt anger and overreaction of tension in a huge margin. He told me that living is quite cheap if you produce what you consume. His monthly expenditure never exceeds 4,000 rupees which gives him no leverage or advantage of additional side income through illegal corruption. I learned that when man himself chooses a simple and sufficing life then the craving for a higher degree of luxury and greed increases abstinence which endures an individual from not indulging in such immoral activities.

His past accomplishments in the field of education development are worth an applaud and also awe-strucking. After being assigned as a Chief Education Officer of Paanchthar he was able to escalate the annual SLC pass rate of community schools from 14% to an astonishing more than 60% in a single year. His adamant behavior has also resulted in resignation of number of teachers who had a record of being drunk during class hours. He showed me is that all it takes it one man to take a mission and not stumble or flicker from the goal. Through his fearless stubbornness and not so amiable relationship with the villains of development he has been able to flourish the children with quality education. Such strong determination and feasible vision are sparks of successful planning. He inspired me to never underestimate myself and always be determined to reach the goal no matter how far or close it all is. He taught me that ‘Somebody maybe cannot do everything but everybody can do something.’ He inspired me to take actions against anything that I know and believe is not right. He taught me perseverance and patience. He taught me that patience is not how long you wait but how you react when the result finally arrives.

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Seeing him in the meet at Evoke was a beautiful moment; where I recollected all our past shared experiences how his address to me transitioned from ‘jee’ to ‘babu’. How we watched back to back English movies to improve his English; how he spoke highly of his dream to revolutionize the education system in Nepal and how he was still full of energy to do more. In the middle of a presentation; a familiar sound reached my ear lobes. I found out that the familiar sound was his phone’s ringtone. I was so much accustomed to his ringtone and hearing it after 3 days was like finding my clandestine back.

Integrity Fellowship has indeed been a huge platform where we learn and teach from our Idols. We get a closer look at the everyday life of such amazing humans and how the perceive problems; are opportunities and full of assurance. This fellowship has been a guidebook of how to lead a bureaucratic life and how never let other shadows dim you light.IMG_7684

-Radip Tandukar

 

Stop This Train

I can’t think of anything worse. This picture of Ben holding dad while he does his best to suck up one lung full of air; but he just can’t. The sound of him squeaking, choking. It’s scarier than the sound of uncle Tyrene’s driller made.
This watch! Why? Such an irony that I have a collection of them but I just can’t buy time. Dad!Wish I could stop time like the needles stop when you pluck the screw out.

Is it that your train is about to reach its station or about to crash? But it has all of our lives tired on the track too Dad. Are we limited to death? Oh why oh why???

They’ve always asked me to look at the brighter side of things. No! There is nothing colorful side of this. No!

No I’m not colorblind
I know the world is black and white

I know that this is the ultimate truth. One day, my time will come as well. But, I cant imagine the thought of you lying in the wooden chest. The shade of your rested eyes can never kill this fire in my heart. But I know dad. This is real life hitting me hard. Its not a 90 min drama screen play.
I will, Dad, I will.

Try to keep an open mind
But just can’t sleep on this tonight

Dear God, I know I’ve always pleaded to you in my worst of days. Never have I bowed to you or accreted you when I had everything. I didn’t thank you when the awards hit my cabinet or for the platinum record. But I don’t want any of them now. I just want it all to stop, please Lord. What’s use of this guitar when the hands that gifted me my first were buried six feet under?
Please lord, Please.

Stop this train,
I wanna get off and go back home again.

I never signed up for this. I’m only 27 right now. Dad always insisted on me getting married. He always asked me to get settled. I still remember how I boasted him of my concert schedule when me asked me to be stable. Sorry Dad! Yes I am moving too fast. But I don’t want any of this.

I can’t take this speed is moving in
I know I can’t
But, honestly, will someone stop this train

Dave and Ben might not have everything they want but they do have everything to be alive. Look at me. I’m weaning alone in my mansion. What worth is this money if it can’t buy happiness. This is too much. When they were singing you “Happy Birthday.” On your 55th birthday, I was hitting my guitar in some foreign lands screaming some lyrics I don’t mean in front of some foreign people I have no idea about. What have I done Lord!

Don’t know how else to say it
Don’t to see my parents go

What if Ma goes away like you will. And Dave and Ben and Cherry. What will I do? Searching for love in someones supple skin? Warm my heart by rubbing with a stranger under a blanket? I too will become ash someday. With every spin of the globe comes everyones time. I too will die alone.

One generations length away
From fighting life out on my own

Dear Lord, please don’t do this. Take everything and unwind time. Let days be nights and nights be days. But make be 6 again. Please.

Stop this train
I wanna get off and go back home again
I can’t take this speed its moving in
I know I can’t
But, honestly, will someone stop this train

I think I’m getting a grasp of this. This time, may be an illusion but change and death is not. I will get old not of time but of change. I will die not of time but of death, My skin will get wrinkles not my time but of my age. But its all so scary. How am I supposed to react like my own age when it’s the first time I have been in my age. How am I supposed to live my age? Numbers that define me increase every year, where I lie to start again but that’s all crap.

So scared of getting older, I’m only good at being youg
So I play the numbers game to find my way to that life has just begun

I still remember when I freaked out about celebrating my last birthday. I knew that you knew that I panicked not of my recording sessions but of my increasing age. I still remember the talk on the phone that night

Had a talk with my old man
Said, “Help me understand”
He said, “Turn 68, you’ll renegotiate
Don’t stop this train, Don’t for a minute
Change the place you’re in
Don’t think I couldn’t ever understand
I tried my hand
John, honestly, we’ll never stop this train”

I think you were consoling yourself rather than me because you saw all of it. All of the good and the bad. Even the worst. But you never felt best. We never thanked you for all that you’ve given us. We never thought how you forgave us all the time. How you never questioned out trust. I’m sorry dad. I’ll do my best to keep you happy Dad. The end is near but it is not here yet. We might have some intricate time but I promise to stay with you when it’s all over. Because Dad

Once in a while, when it’s good
It’ll feel like it should
And they’re all still around
And you’re still safe and sound
And you don’t miss a thing
‘Til you cry when you’re driving away in the dark

And I’ll stay there, holding your hands, but you’re already gone. I’ll try to hold the tears that are already falling. I’ll clench my fist to hold time but it won’t. I’ll try to think of all the runs and chases we had. How you came to my first show. I’ll search for my Dad in that body, but I won’t find any. But you’re not dead Dad. You’re still alive. In all of us. In all of our hearts and mind. I know. Because we share the same heart. I am a part of you. You shared my first cry.

And I’ll go back home

Singing, “Stop this train
I wanna get off and go home again
I can’t take this speed it’s moving in
I know I can’t
‘Cause now I see I’ll never stop this train

लालमोहन

For the song please click on the link below. 

Happy Listening! 😊😊 

Stop This Train- John Mayer